If a child is struggling to breathe, is floppy or will not wake, or their skin, lips or tongue look blue or grey: call 999 now. Colour changes are harder to see on brown and black skin, so check the palms, soles, lips and tongue. If you are worried but it is not an emergency, call NHS 111. In Northern Ireland use your GP out-of-hours service.

MarionSleep help for families

Frightening thoughts

Common, not intent, and safe to tell someone about.

The short version

  • Sudden, unwanted, distressing thoughts about harm coming to your baby are common: reported in very nearly half of parents of infants.
  • These thoughts are not intent. Having them makes a parent no more likely to harm their infant than any other parent.
  • Telling someone is safe. As Tommy's puts it, your midwife or doctor will not judge you.

The rest of this page explains where this comes from. You do not have to read it tonight.

About 3 minutes to read

Frightening thoughts

Many parents get sudden, unwanted, distressing thoughts or images about something terrible happening to their baby. Thoughts about accidental harm are close to universal. Thoughts about deliberately harming the baby are far more common than anyone says out loud: the British Journal of General Practice reports that such thoughts and images "have been reported to occur in very nearly half of parents of infants in the general population" (Lawrence, 2017).

These thoughts are not intent. The line to hold on to is the BJGP's own recommended wording for parents: "Experiencing the intrusive thoughts makes them no more likely to harm their infant intentionally than any other parent."

Part of why they horrify you is the very thing that makes them safe: they run against everything you want and everything you are. Clinicians call this ego-dystonic, meaning the thought is inconsistent with how you see yourself. Tommy's says "this can be scary and upsetting, but we know that mums with OCD do not act on these thoughts", and Maternal OCD state there is no reported case of a mother acting on her obsessional intrusive thoughts. Fleeting intrusive thoughts do not always mean you have OCD. About 1 in 50 mothers have OCD during pregnancy. OCD is one of the conditions you can refer yourself to NHS talking therapies for, without going through a GP.

Telling someone is safe

Tommy's: "Your midwife or doctor will not judge you." And: "OCD is common and is not your fault." The NHS meets the other fear head on: "you may be scared that your baby will be taken away if you ask for help or share how you're feeling, but this is very rare. Your care team will give you the support you need to care for your baby."

There is a different illness people sometimes confuse with this, and the contrast matters. Intrusive thoughts are horrifying precisely because they are the opposite of what you want. Postpartum psychosis is not that. It involves confusion, hallucinations, delusions and losing touch with reality, it usually starts within days of the birth, and someone else usually notices first. We are not asking you to weigh up your own risk: if any of this frightens you, that is a reason to talk to someone today.

Postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency

The NHS: "Postpartum psychosis is a serious mental health illness that should be treated as a medical emergency. It can get worse rapidly and the illness can risk the safety of the mother and baby." It affects around 1 in 1,000 mothers, and symptoms typically emerge within the first two weeks, often within hours or days: hallucinations, delusions, mania, depression, rapidly changing moods and confusion.

Be aware that if you have postpartum psychosis, you may not realise you are ill. Your partner, family or friends may spot the signs and have to take action. If you are the partner or a relative, act now rather than waiting to be certain.

What to do: see a GP immediately and ask for an urgent same-day assessment; call 111 if you cannot reach a GP; contact your crisis team if you have one. Go to A&E or call 999 if you think you, or someone you know, may be in danger of imminent harm.

Most people with postpartum psychosis make a full recovery.

Where this comes from

  • NHS, Best Start in Life: your mental health, the "1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men" figure and the line about exhaustion being completely normal.
  • NHS, postnatal depression, baby blues versus postnatal depression, and that fathers and partners can also have depression after having a baby.
  • Richter et al. 2019, SLEEP 42(4):zsz015, the 62-minute and 13-minute figures, the six-year recovery finding, and that dual versus single parenting showed no meaningful association with sleep recovery.
  • Astbury et al. 2025, maternal mood correlating with the mother's own sleep rather than with infant sleep.
  • Kracht et al. 2024, parents averaging under seven hours a night and only 40 per cent meeting the guideline at two months. Javaheripour 2019, the cognitive effects of sleep loss.
  • Paulson & Bazemore 2010, JAMA 303(19):1961-9, pooled paternal prevalence of 10.4 per cent and the correlation between parents. Schöch et al. 2024, how depression presents differently in men.
  • Darwin et al. 2017 (UK BaBY cohort), fathers not being asked about their own mental health, the "spare part" and "man up" quotations, and the recommendation to frame resources around fatherhood.
  • Howat, Masterson & Darwin 2023, Midwifery 120:103650, non-birthing and same-sex parents and the legitimacy of their distress. Maternal Mental Health Alliance, the research gap for trans and non-binary parents.
  • Lawrence et al. 2017, British Journal of General Practice 67(661), intrusive thoughts in very nearly half of parents of infants, and the line that experiencing them makes a parent no more likely to harm their infant intentionally.
  • Tommy's, perinatal OCD and intrusive thoughts, "your midwife or doctor will not judge you", and OCD affecting about 1 in 50 mothers in pregnancy. Maternal OCD, no reported case of a mother acting on obsessional intrusive thoughts.
  • NHS England, perinatal mental health, mental health checks for partners of those accessing specialist services, the 42 Maternal Mental Health Services, and support extended to 24 months.
  • The Lullaby Trust, never falling asleep on a sofa or armchair, the survey of over 3,400 parents, preparing in advance, staying-awake tips and what helpers can do. UNICEF UK Baby Friendly, "much safer in a bed than on a sofa or chair".
  • Highway Code Rule 91, driving when tired, the midnight to 6am window and the 15-minute break. The caffeine and nap advice is no longer in the rule.
  • HSE, fatigue, underestimation of risk, 20 per cent of accidents on major roads, and the legal duty resting on employers. gov.uk guidance on night working hours, for the 8-hour average limit, the free health assessment and suitable alternative work.
  • RoSPA, hot drinks scalding up to 15 minutes after they are made, never leaving a baby alone in the bath, drowning being silent, and bath seats not being safety devices.
  • ONS 2025 family statistics, 3.2 million lone-parent families and 15.4 per cent lone fathers; gov.uk analysis of emotional distress among lone parents. Gingerbread, confirming the helpline closed on 1 April 2025. Home-Start UK (charity 1108837, SC039172), volunteers, weekly visits and self-referral.
  • Samaritans, 116 123, free from any phone including pay-as-you-go with no credit. Language on this page follows the Samaritans media guidelines. Cry-sis, 0800 448 0737, 9am to 10pm daily.
  • Andy's Man Club (1179647, SC051485), PANDAS Foundation (1149485, SC051814) and Action on Postpartum Psychosis (1139925), checked against the charity registers. NHS guidance on talking therapies self-referral and on urgent mental health help. NHS 24, 111 Wales, and nidirect, GP out-of-hours service.

Last checked 1 August 2026. This page is general information, not medical advice. If you are worried about your child, speak to your health visitor or GP.