Separation anxiety
A normal stage, and how to make bedtime easier through it.
The short version
- Keep the cot clear for the first 12 months: no soft toys, comforters or loose bedding once your baby is left to sleep.
- Separation anxiety is common between 6 months and 3 years, a normal part of development that children usually grow out of. Nothing has gone wrong.
- Play peek-a-boo and build up from very short separations with someone your child knows, adding time gradually and keeping the number of caregivers small.
- Keep goodbyes short, calm and confident, with the same ritual every time, and talk about what you will do together afterwards.
- At bedtime retreat gradually: a worn t-shirt with your scent while you are in the room, then out over days, not one night.
The rest of this page explains where this comes from. You do not have to read it tonight.
About 2 minutes to read
Separation anxiety
The NHS describes separation anxiety as common between the ages of 6 months and 3 years, a normal part of your child's development, and something children usually grow out of. It is a stage, not a sign that anything has gone wrong.
- Play peek-a-boo, and let your baby safely follow you around the house. Both rehearse the idea that people who go away come back.
- Build up from very short separations with someone your child knows and trusts, adding time gradually, and keep the number of caregivers small where you can.
- Talk about what you will do together afterwards, so the gap has an end.
- Try a comfort item that carries your scent, such as a worn t-shirt, for daytime and for settling while you are there.
- Keep goodbyes short, calm and confident. The NHS phrasing is to smile and wave goodbye confidently, using the same ritual every time.
- At bedtime, retreat gradually, starting with a teddy or an item of your clothing in your place (NHS Borders), then moving out of the room over days, not in one night.
Comforters and the clear cot rule. The Lullaby Trust's safer sleep advice is to keep the cot clear, which means no soft toys, comforters or loose bedding in the cot for the first 12 months. So keep comfort objects for daytime and for supervised settling while you are in the room, and take them out when your baby is left to sleep.
Be careful with the common claim that separation anxiety is behind repeated night wakings. We could not find a UK clinical source that says so, so treat it as one possible piece of the picture rather than the explanation. Night waking is normal in its own right.
Speak to your GP if anxiety is severe, persists and interferes with everyday life. The YoungMinds Parents Helpline, free on 0808 802 5544, supports parents and carers of under-25s and is not a crisis service.
Where this comes from
- Cerebra, Sleep Guide V4 (October 2025), for the environment consistency rule, caffeine and exercise timing, nap reduction by 5 minutes a week, the causes of early rising and the sleep restriction protocol.
- The Sleep Charity, bedtime routines and night terrors and nightmares, for light and dark, screens at the start of the routine, white noise, room temperature, decor, and never using the bedroom as a punishment.
- NHS, night terrors and nightmares, for the comparison between the two and scheduled awakening.
- Sheffield Children's NHS Foundation Trust, night terrors and sleepwalking, for not waking a child during a terror and for the physical safety measures.
- Cambridgeshire and Peterborough children's health, sleepwalking, nightmares and night terrors, for 1 in 4 children having at least one nightmare a week.
- NHS, separation anxiety, for the 6 months to 3 years age range and the practical steps.
- The Lullaby Trust, keeping a clear cot and room temperature, for the clear cot rule and 16 to 20°C.
- East London NHS Foundation Trust, Sleep Basics, for rapid return and white noise use.
- Derbyshire Family Health Service, sleep, for the same-words-every-night tip and the point about screens not feeling like a punishment.
- NHS, helping your baby to sleep, for the silent return and shifting bedtime gradually.
- Carter et al. 2016, JAMA Pediatrics, meta-analysis of 17 studies and 125,198 children aged 6 to 18, for the screens findings.
- Hugh et al. 2014, Pediatrics, for the measured output of 14 infant sleep machines and the hearing safety conclusion.
- Thorpe et al. 2015, Archives of Disease in Childhood, systematic review of 26 observational studies, for napping and night sleep beyond age 2.
- BASIS, sleep aids, for the caution about sleep machines disturbing parents and about products claiming deeper infant sleep.
- UNICEF UK Baby Friendly Initiative, co-sleeping and SIDS guide (October 2019), for night waking and feeding being normal and not modifiable in young babies. The responsive feeding quotes in the night feeds section are from UNICEF UK Baby Friendly Initiative parent guidance.
- Moore, Friman, Fruzzetti and MacAleese 2007, Journal of Pediatric Psychology 32(3):283-7: the randomised controlled trial of the bedtime pass, 19 children aged 3 to 6, maintained at 3-month follow-up. Also Friman et al. 1999, Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine 153(10):1027-9, and Freeman 2006, Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis 39(4):423-8.
- Mindell et al. 2006, Sleep, for bedtime problems in children aged 2 and over, the 20 to 30% prevalence, and the finding that positive reinforcement was never evaluated as the sole intervention.
Last checked 1 August 2026. This page is general information, not medical advice. If you are worried about your child, speak to your health visitor or GP.